Friday, January 15, 2010

Har Har That Was Funny

So it would be Friday. I got a ton of submissions for jokes, some of them I couldn't post without putting warnings on the blog for content. Others just weren't funny at all so better luck next time. I will post ones I thought were funny and not too many as to overload you with reading. So enjoy.

What's the difference between a Gnome and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

How do you keep drarwes out of a bar?
You put up a sign which says "axes denied".

Speaking of dwarves, here's an old one....
A dwarf walks out of a bar...

What do you call a gnome mage?
Minibar.

A gnome and two humans entered the inn in booty bay, and see a tauren sitting at a table by himself.. The gnome says to the two humans "Lets make a small bet.. Whoever get that tauren laughing gets 5 gold" One of the humans walk over to the table and starts telling the tauren a joke, but without luck he goes back and lets the next human have a go.. He also tells the tauren a joke but once again without luck.Then the gnome walks up and says something the two others can really hear... The tauren bursts out in laughter. "You know, I bet I can make him cry aswell" said the gnome after he got his gold from the others.. The others agree to the bet and do theirs to make the big tauren cry, but both without luck. Then the gnome walks up to the tauren and suddenly the tauren starts hulking out loud. The gnome gets his money and one of the humans asks "What did you tell him?", and the gnome answered, "Well, first I told him my %##%#@!#*! was bigger than his... And then I showed him."

Why do so many female players pick the druid class?
Because they can be a kitty for three weeks each month, and then a raging bear for one week.

A regiment of Stormwind's soldiers is in The Barrens. They see a Shaman, who quickly runs behind a mountain hoping to escape the regiment. The commander sends in two of his best men to kill the Shaman. After some time his men haven't returned. Disgruntled, the commander sends in twenty of his best men to kill that Shaman. More time passes, and none of them returns. After a while he thinks "To hell with it" and orders the rest of the regiment to kill that Shaman. Some time after, the commander (now sitting alone in the middle of The Barrens) spots one of his men limping back to him. He orders the soldier to tell him what happened. "It was a trap, Sir! There were two of them!"

Two trolls are stuck in the desert around shimmering flats, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden....... "Hey Zulfan, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon I ahm sure of eet." "Ya, Rhumba eet smells like bacon to meee". So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture .. there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat. "Rhumba, Rhumba, we ees saved!
Eet EES a bacon tree!" "Zulfan, are you sure ees not a meerage?; We ees in the Desert don't forget." "Rhumba when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree". And with that ...Zulfan races toward the tree. He gets to within 5 meters, with Rhumba following closely behind, when all of a sudden elven archers appear and Zulfan is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Rhumba with his dying breath. "Rhumba...go back mon,you was right mon ees not a bacon tree." "Zulfan, Zulfam, mi friend...what ees it? "Rhumba...ees not a bacon tree...
Ees..........
Ees...
Ees.........
Ees....
... Eees a Ham Bush !!

How many rogues does it take to kill a paladin?
Two. One to attack him on the field, and one waiting in the Ironforge Inn.

How many Gnomes do you need to paint a wall red?
Depends on how hard you throw 'em!

It was a busy day for the Spirit Healer. First a human came along, who (for being dead) looked quite healthy. "What happened to you?" asked the Spirit Healer curiously. The human man responded: "Well, I have long suspected that my wife has been having an affair and today I got confirmation: I found an elf hanging outside my window in his underwear. So I grabbed my mace and started beating on the arse's fingers until he let go. But the bastard landed in some bushes and survived, and we were on the fourth floor of the tower; so I grabbed a heavy chest, pushed it out the window and killed the sod. Then I died of heartfailure." he added sadly. The Spirit Healer grinned and resurrected him. Then an elf suddenly appears before the Spirit Healer and curiously, the Healer asks what happened to him. "You can never imagine." said the elf. "I was in a rented room and practiced my spells when I needed some fresh air. However, as I had been training so hard I was all sweaty so I had to change clothes, but my robe blew away and I tried to grab it. Sadly, I fell." the elf sighed but continued. "Luckily I got hold of the windowbar of the floor below me when suddenly an a$$clown comes out with a mace and hits me on the fingers! I landed in some bushes however and survived. But then the moron chucks a heavy chest over me, killing me instantly!" The Spirit Healer laughed at the tale and ressed the elf. Then a gnome appears and faithful to her habit, the Spirit Healer asked what happened. "You're never gonna believe it." sad the gnome. "Imagine I'm hiding naked in a chest...."

A human paladin, a gnome and a tauren walk into Booty Bay's Inn Mens room.
They all go tend to their business, and then the gnome walks off, washes his hands, picks a paper towellete, and says: "Where I was raised, I was told to be clean. So after that, I wash my hands and clean them with paper towelletes!" The tauren walks off, washes his hands, picks a single towellete and says: "Where I was raised, I was told to be clean and to economize, so I wash my hands and clean them only with 1 towellete!" The human walks off, zipping his pants, and just says: "Where I was raised, I was taught how to not pee my hands."

'Then Jesus said, 'I can offer you eternal salvation.'
And the disciples asked, 'Can we get kings or might instead?'"

What does a noob and a rogue have in common?
They both pick locks

Saving my Favourite for last

A paladin sits down at a bar next to a warlock. The paladin taps the warlock on the shoulder. "What?" the warlock asks. "How about you conjure me up something to drink?" replies the paladin. The warlock looks at the pally incredulously and says "Man, have you got the wrong guy," and returns to drinking his beer in silence. The pally, undaunted, taps the warlock on the shoulder again and says, "Well then, how about you conjure me up something to eat then?". The warlock, getting a little annoyed now says "If I cant conjure you up something to drink, what the HELL makes you think I can conjure you something to eat??". The warlock goes back to drinking in a huff and sure enough, the pally taps him on the shoulder one more time. "I'm sorry," he says "but I thought you could do something for someone other then yourself." The warlock takes a sip of his beer, turns toward the pally and smashes the bottle over his head. Bleeding on the floor the warlock says "Oh I'm sorry I thought you could tank!"

Hope you enjoyed them as much as I did. Enjoy the weekend all.

4 comments:

  1. ROFL ok those were all pretty awesome I am not gonna lie.

    ~Blackie

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great way to end the week.

    --Gimm

    ReplyDelete
  3. lmso some of those really made me laugh.

    -Boggle

    ReplyDelete
  4. so ya that lock one was pretty clever

    ReplyDelete