Thursday, February 25, 2010

I Want More Uselss Crap To Buy

So I haven't ranted about something completely worthless in awhile so I thought today was the perfect day. We all have seen Blizzard has released plushies that we can buy, if you haven't you have been outside too much lately. Yay for using the money we pay for the game to be spent on something for them to make more money rather than adding to the game with it(did that even make sense?). I am not opposed to them making money off the game, but you can't expect me not to complain about it. So what better way to get right into my way of explaining to Blizzard the other useless crap they should allow us to buy.

Twill Set: Yes Blizzard has clothes you can buy, but is there anything more epic than a twill set? Of course not. Now I don't want part of this it has to be full 9/9 or I am not even going to bother. There is nothing worse than an uncompleted twill set. Have you seen what it looks like if you don't have the pants. It is like a wannabe Wonder Woman outfit. Do we really want all the crazy gamers showing up to buy the next expansion looking like that. I thought you would agree. 9/9 please not single pieces.

Action Figures: Now I know they have some, but I want these ones to talk. Like my old school Ninja Turtles, with the string that you pull that would always break. They can make more money this way. Plus I can feel awesome when I can be the talk of the neighbourhood when my Cairne whoops Varian's ass.

Stoppable Force: Now I know you can buy Frostmourne and that is cool and all, but who wouldn't buy a Stoppable Force? It is the greatest grey weapon every created with some competition from the Bulky Maul, Stout War Staff, and of course the Feeble Sword. Better yet make a entire "Grey Weapon" Line. Now that would be something to show off to people visiting your house. "And you see here my prized possession my the Stoppable Force".

Voice Emitter: Remember when you were a kid and you had that toy that you would just push a button and it would say something. Well maybe I am older than you, but they were cool. So just add random voice clips which scare the crap out of people. Nothing like walking up behind someone then playing "BURN YOU MISERABLE WRETCHES" now if that didn't give grandma a heart attack she would certainly have to change her depends.

Peon Mallet: What better way to immortalize every ones favourite starter quest than to let them buy the very thing they forced peons back to work with. Of course you would have to put a disclaimer on it as to not promote violence...

Flying Mount Replicas: You know my favourite part of Toy Story? I know your thinking what the hell does that have to do with anything, but whatever it makes sense. It is when Buzz is watching the commercial of himself and it says "not a flying toy". I love when they put crap on toys that is so obvious, because there is obviously always some idiot who would try then complain when it can't do what they want it to. So this is my chance. So instead of like the tooltips says "this is a very fast ___" we can write "this ___ doesn't move get over it"

Talking Stuff Animals: You know those stuff toys when you throw them into something they talk. Well let's make some of those. Why? Because how awesome would it be to have a Kael when you throw him into the wall he says "Merely a Setback!"

Soft Drink: Well every other company when they want to gouge their consumers they do this so Blizzard should just join the party. Hell why not make a cereal too, you could call it Orgrimmar O's.

Ok rant is over you can all rest easy now that you read all of that and have remained sane. Just a reminder today is the last day to get your stories about people going crazy for achievements.


  1. ROFL "Orgrimmar O's" that sir was one of the funniest things I have read in a while.

  2. I would love to throw Kael against the wall, just to hear him say "Merely a setback!" XD

  3. where do i get my peon mallet?


  4. I want a Stoppable Force so I can bang that on my keyboard instead of my head in raids!

  5. They sorta already did the soft drink