Friday, October 9, 2009

How to do a Gauss For The Horde Run

So how do I do so many of these runs and how are they so successful even when I am bringing a bunch of clueless idiots. So I thought since I won't be able to run my scheduled run today I will fill in the Gauss Nation and anyone else actually pretty simple method I use to get the job done.

First off no one likes an asshole, but they will listen to one. I tend to do this by basically telling everyone what I think about them right off the bat. Lines you might see me say are "I know your all a bunch of retards", "Yes, I know you that special kind of stupid", or "This group really is a bunch of morons" this sets the stage for the rest of the raid.

Next make sure people with shitty computers know that you will make fun of them endlessly and most importantly you won't let their lag end up slowly the group. Common line here would be "If you have a shitty computer turn your settings down. If your not sure it's shitty so turn them down. If you don't know how you are a failure and please leave before you cry to your mother because I kicked you" I find this works well. Feel free to use this or come up with your own.

I like to meet at Zoram Strand because if people don't know where it is it amuses me to make fun of them as well as when can unite the group by all making fun of person X. Also this is also a good way to find the slackers in the group because they will ask over and over for a summon. This is a good time to remove these people and laugh at them when they complain about it in whispers to you.

Running up the coast of Darkshore is fun because you can see how much fail people are bringing to the group. Apparently following is a hard thing to do. Be sure to make fun of the people that lag behind by instructing the raid to point and laugh at these people. The goal is to teach they they are horrible and that you don't give two shits about any of them. This also enforces the point that you are indeed an asshole.

Go to Darnassus first because if people fail there you can get out of it with ease. Make sure everyone kills guards and stays back. I joke around saying "no one is too awesome to kill guards" Be sure to summon the failures before you get on the boat and laugh at all the people who fell off the dock.

After Darnassus head back out the same way and make fun of anyone who died. Because in order to die they had to be a) low level and in this case they fail already, b)went the wrong way therefore an idiot and lucky to still be in the group, or c) just a complete retard who somehow died there they know its coming.

Do Exodar next because its a joke to do and its close by. If people actually came to defend I would be pretty impressed. Pull Velen to the bottom of the stairs and if the raid somehow stays at the bottom I will be quite impressed because I have yet to see this happen.

Stormwind is next and it gets much harder. Assign groups for the defence in the Keep. The low levels are good for this job because you could careless if they die anyway, and they will feel special that you are actually giving them something worth while to do. Make some comment about Bagellord and not jumping off the boat. If people are talking like they know crap make fun of them because they are horrible if this group has just been thrown together and they got in on it.

I used to warn melee about the kings whirlwind now I just /facepalm when they stand in and get hit by it and get themselves killed. I realized that yes WoW is full of retards and there is nothing I can do about it so enjoy their failure and have fun with it. Once the king goes down have all the tools who died release and spirit rez and when they complain about having to do so make fun of them for dying and crying to you about it.

Ironforge is next and last and I suggest reorganizing you raid and not assaulting through the Tram. Because this seems to lend itself to people doing there own thing and you can be easily ambushed using this method. Of course don't tell people where you are meeting up the less dumbass' that know the better.

Once you reorganize let the retards know they can can do it if they listen. Arrange a path that doesn't run through the centre of the city and you will be fine. Remind them all to Line of sight the and nuke the boss with alliance that come and join the fray as first priority for killing. Also when people are obviously not LoS of the doorway remind the bunch of morons what LoS actually. This is when I usually reflect at how these bunch of tools made it this far. After they kill him give the morons their grats and how it took like 20 minutes to kill a boss with 5 million HP. Get a mage to port out and then get the hell out of there. And that all is how Gauss runs For The Horde.

So Fridays FTH is canceled at least at myself running it and Saturdays is up in the air. Saturday night should be good for Old School remember to message Kùsh if you want to know what we are running that evening. Enjoy your Thanksgiving long weekend, and to all you Americans who don't know when Thanksgiving is learn that Canada owns you. That is all!


  1. Oh come on. Run through the tram and kill the Gnome king so the gnomes will complain that he is so easy, an undead rogue with a cold could kill him. Granted this does slow you down and there is no achievement for it.

    Then run by the people who haven't been paying attention to any chat and are using the targeting dummies. Watch them stop, look and then "OMG! Horde!", flag and get killed. Local Defense then explodes in "HORDE! THERE'S HORDE IN IF!" I quit answering, "No, really?", because sarcasm doesn't come through chat. Yes, SD is on Vent and laughing hysterically at them.

    Then run into the throne room where we may or may not have people actually waiting for you. Target Gimm first, kill and when she rezzes, repeat so I spend most of my time cursing that the graveyard is not closer. Could be worse. I could die in Stormwind.

    We talk about making a stand in Darnassus or Exodar just because you'd never expect the Spanish Inquisition. Sorry, wrong reference.

    Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving. Yes, I know what weekend this is. It's the Chicago Marathon AND the Columbus Day parade down Columbus Drive where the street lines get painted blue.


  2. Rofl Gauss, not a single tell about this weekend. Special alt characters work wonders imo.