Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Story of Gauss' Immortality

So lately I have been asked why everyone knows who I am and why I seem to have such a following. So early this morning I wrote it all down while trying to stay awake and not be yelled at by a crazy women sitting in a hospital bed next to me. So here is the story of Gauss the little Tauren from Camp Narache who had the dream to be something more.

I came to be like any tauren warrior battersworn hammer swinging in a loincloth owning the strider population out in Camp Narache, ah those were the days. It was peaceful then, the game had just begun and there were no guilds looking for new members in starting areas. Just a bunch of clueless losers asking each other what the hell we were supposed to do. Oh the fun we had. It was a sad day though when I left Camp Narache went to Bloodhoof then eventually made my way to Thunder Bluff where Cairne told me I was destined for great things. He also informed me I had been chosen to head to our ancestral lands in the Barrens. I was so proud of my noob ass, and I was on my way leaving everything I knew of Mulgore behind.

When I got to the Barrens I realized why it was called the Barrens. There was hardly anyone around and this surprisingly made leveling quite easy. For when I reached level 15 on my way to the Capital City of Orgrimmar I met an Undead rogue by the name of Ajax who asked me to join his guild. I really had no clue what a guild was or what it did but hey I was so awesome because I was level 15 and this guy is only level 12. This is obviously why he wanted me. I joined "The Renegades" and continued my quest to reach Orgrimmar.

When I arrived it was much quieter than it is today and looking at the auction house I was quite disappointed when nothing on it was above level 12. Upon meeting Thrall who welcome me and my tauren brothers I grabbed the flight path and headed back to the Crossroads to continue my leveling escapades. This went well and when I became the first level 20 in the guild I was promoted to an officer and then was informed we would be merging with a larger guild so we could do bigger and better things. This was great maybe I could actually get a group for Wailing Caverns now. Anyways this guild was known as "The Drunken Bandits"

I joined this guild and progressed through the ranks until I reached level 39. Apparently I wasn't going to be promoted any further because I was too outspoken and to harsh on other people for not being as well informed as I was. So Gaussie did what he was destined to do. When I got to Level 40 went and bought akodo and was truly now that which was full of awesome. I had a fucking mount. I left that guild and decided to create an army of like minded people. On this day "The Army of Gauss" was born and it thrived. Members first came by the 10s and then by the 100s and when I reached level 60 the Army had grown to over 500 members. I would be recognized walking through the cities as "Wow there really is a Gauss". These cities were now starting to mass with people and when I rode through Orgrimmar on my Epic Pink Kodo people stopped to look.

So I now had this Army, which were at my beck and call,what was I to do? I did what anyone in my position would have done. I declared war openly on alliance guilds and challenged them to all out combat. The Army now was being referred to in short by everyone as only AoG. There was strength in numbers and took down all comers even the leaders of the alliance. How epic I looked in my full Valor leading the charge. It was soon known where Gauss was so was the rest of AoG and that meant the alliance would need to be ready.

The Honor system was then introduced and titles were up for grabs and there was only one title which would be good enough for Gauss "High Warlord" would be it and so the quest for it began. After countless battles for South Shore and the Crossraods I had achieved the rank of Champion and I had the Army to thank for it. My name was spreading and cheering erupted among the masses when I and the rest of AoG arrived at any battle.

Not too long after this was when Battlegrounds came to be. It was in these battlegrounds that team play became a major focus. For my team was extremely well organized and focused we were known for humiliating the opposing teams by playing them naked or in black dresses. These humiliations became forum fodder and my name began to spread to the masses even more. These were days of intense grind, but we all got through it.

This was also a sad time. For the Army became so large 850+ members that it was almost 3 guilds in one and I decided it was the time to let the Army run its own course. For on this day Gauss left his Army to pursue his future. Three Score was born. It was to bea group of elite players from two separate guilds AoG and Soviet Honda who came together to be something great.

After some tough times at the start I assumed the Leadership and we began to thrive. We killed bosses we never thought possible and myself achieved High Warlord status. For when this quest was completed it opened the door for others to begin. The Molten Core was Conquered and the Leader of Blackwing Lair was defeated. Along with Several Boss in the Temple of Ahn' Qiraj and Old school Naxx. Three Score became one of the top raiding guilds on the server and I was the face of it. So when Blizzard brought us the challenge of the Burning Crusade we were ready.

We downed all content that was brought to us. And this was when the Gaussian empire took on another quest. The Prismatic Shard Emporium was created and now the auction house was mine. I formed a monopoly forcing people to pay the prices I saw fit. I even turned Boomstick Imports into my home base. There was a sea of workers I employed, which included dancers, doormen, firework launchers and shard Vendors. Boomsticks became the place not only for deals on everything you needed, but just to have a good time. For within a month of my enterprise I had reached the gold cap and everyone knew it, then came a second toon and then a third and the gold kept rolling in. My name became known not only for the guild and its success, but for that of my wealth and fame for running the shop.

I now not only now ran the top rading guild on the server, I owned the auction house and could change prices on anything in the blink of an eye. I could even decide if I so wished to have an empty auction house just to mess with people. The masses crowned me the King of Llane and it was celebrated with the spamming of Pi. A tradition which everyone knows goes on today.

When Wrath came the emporium was shutdown and I retired mostly from my opportunistic gold enterprise, but people remember it and it lives on, and maybe one day it will return. Only time will tell I guess.

I though have gone back to my roots of Army gathering and organizing attacks on the alliance cities and helping the clueless experience content they would never have dreamed possible of seeing. For this would be the current chapter of the Story and one that is still being written. What I will attempt to accomplish next is any ones guess.

So you all now know the Story of Gauss, the little Tauren from Camp Narache with the dream. So anyone who asks will now just be directed here since first and foremost I don't answer questions and you all should know that by now.


  1. Best one so far man. Learned shit you hadn't told me about yet. Just wondering though, never thought of doing the same shit that you did back then but with abyss now? Probably a stupid question, cause I'm sure it has came to mind, just was wondering what kept you from doing it.

  2. Awesome story, but I gotta ask. How did you come to be next to a crazy woman in a hospital bed?

  3. A serious story which was full of information. You really are a natural born leader

  4. Good read. Learned things I never knew and makes me wish I had been playing the game from the start just like you

  5. Awesome you should do more somewhat serious ones

  6. Great stuff man does The Army still exist?

  7. Gauss is immortal!!

  8. This is true? Guess it makes sense I have only been playing for 6 months so I wouldn't know

  9. Honestly the only you did of note is to fuck up the auction house...

  10. People mad at Gauss today it seems. He must have laughed at this guy or something